Dear Friend,
“In the small hours of today,
I had a talk with finance minister PC. He seemed to have burnt midnight oil. He
looked tired but put on a brave face. I could sense something was bothering
him. I casually asked him what the matter was. First, he kept mum. But slowly
he opened up. He said he was thinking all the time about the shortage. First, I
thought he was worried about shortage of onions. But he was too big a man to
spend sleepless nights on minions. Later, I assumed he was brooding over shortage
of funds. I tried to lift his spirits. I praised him, in half-jest, saying
you’d done excellent work and filled up a big hole in the government’s finances
since you took office last year. (Amazingly, many commentators really believe
so!)
“With a half-smile, he
mumbled it was not about government’s finances. It was about shortage of
dollars to meet obligations to foreign banks and foreign investors. I kept
quiet for some time. But later I asked him what his plan of action was. He said
he had used a lot of arrows in his quiver, but to no avail. I asked him what a
quiver was (he was good in English, you know). He said it was a container for
holding arrows. The rupee kept on falling and falling without any relief, he
sighed.
“I enquired what he was going
to do now. He gave out an expression which suggested he was clueless. After
collecting his composure, he asked me what I would do if I were in his
position. I was caught unawares by his query. Initially, I tried to be modest
saying you’re the smartest finance minister the country ever had and stuff like
that. He was very pleased but did not say so outwardly. But he was very firm
and persisted for a reply. Reluctantly, I suggested the following creative (or
you might say quixotic depending on your mood) plan named ‘FM Paanch Pataka’:
1. Open Gold Ration Shops
(Goras). Through these Goras, sell gold depending on the family needs—using
‘Aadhar’ numbers. It would increase employment also before the 2014 elections.
(I showered praises, in half-jest, on PC saying you’d done good work with
rationing of LPG cylinders).
2. Raise marriageable age.
This would bring down gold consumption. (But be prepared to face music from Sushmaa
Swaraz in the Parliament). The added benefit is it would not only control spiraling
population growth, but also bring down food inflation.
3. The government can open
Non-essential Goods Ration Shops (Non-Goras): after identifying the wealthy
classes, which are about 33% (100% – 67%) of population, as per the Food
Security Ordinance. From these Non-Goras, you can dispense these goods to the
identified wealthy classes. (You would get appreciation from the communists and
leftists in the Parliament for curtailing non-essential goods consumption).
4. You should start a ‘Black
Money Becomes White in a Jiffy’ scheme to attract money kept in foreign banks. This
would increase the foreign exchange reserves by 35 to 40 percent.
5. Hush…hush...hush…
(Whispered into PC’s ears, because it’s classified information. If you want to
know this point, you can file an RTI application before the RTI Act is
amended!)
“I also suggested PC to set
up a high level committee on this and take appropriate measures. He moaned in
appreciation, sitting in a drooping position in his rocking chair. As I was
looking outside the window, a bright star was rising in the Eastern sky. So it
was time for me to leave. I wished him good luck and departed.”
Disclosure: This is a dream I
had this early morning. It seems early-morning dreams turn out to be true, but
I don’t believe in superstitions.
Disclaimer: Written with
malice against Indian politicians.
With dreamy eyes,
RamaKrishna Vadlamudi,
Date: 13 August 2013.
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